Secretarial Quickies

There's a axiom in the business world that's too often overlooked by many. 
There's nothing that ends up being more expensive than a pretty secretary who's free for dinner.

In the business world, a Senior Manager is expected to know 
a little something about a lot of things. 
A Manager is expected to know everything about something. 
The secretaries however, are expected to know everything about everything.

My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. 
He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for ?"
I told him, "Nope !   I do this for free."

Women can be so damn catty sometimes.
I overheard one steno say to the other 
as they watched the boss' secretary wiggle by:
"There goes the original good time had by all."

During the corporation's staff meeting of all Headquarters, 
the CEO snapped to his secretary,
"Miss Manfield how can I be expected to take notes ? 
Where is my gold pen ?"
"The last I saw it sir," the sect answered sweetly, 
"it was still on your night table."

Listen you guys, whatever you do, don't ever get your secretary mad at ya.
Mrs. JimJr. called the other week to leave a message that she would be late; 
to just eat dinner and go to bed -- she'd be along directly.
My secretary said, "Very well...  and whom should I say called ?"

A young  secretary was discouraged 
because she had not risen in the ranks at her company at all.
She sought the advice of a female executive over lunch.
"Well...   Linda." the older and wiser secretary said, 
"There are two ways of making it to top here. 
You can put your shoulder to the wheel, 
or put your head on the shoulder of the man at the wheel."

While seated at the dinner table the husband described his new secretary.
After explaining how competent and efficient she was, he remarked, 
"Yep, she's a real living doll."
 His little daughter, while not familiar with the ways of the workplace 
did indeed know all about dolls.
She asked, "And does she close her eyes when you lay her down Daddy ?"

The personnel manager asked the budding young secretary 
if she had any experience at filing. 
"Certainly." she replied. 
"On my last job I filed for at least an hour every day. 
If you don't believe me, just look at my nails."

Two office hotshots were watching a cute lil' secretary walk down the hall.
"Boy..."  said the first. "I sure feel like sleeping with Nola again."
"Again ???"  asked the second.   "Did you say again ???"
"Yeah..."  replied the first.   "I felt like it earlier this morning too."

Because she lacked any family in the US, a boss talked his wife 
into throwing a Bridal Shower for his secretary.
The young girl was positively glowing the entire evening. 
Near the end of the event, the wife said to the girl, 
"I am glad to see you so happy. 
You will have it much easier now that you're getting married."
"Yes Ma'am..." replied the girl with a sigh, 
"And not have to do it as frequently either."

The CEO from Corporate HQ was waiting to meet with a local Office Manager.
He looked around the office and was amazed at the hundreds of cubicles.
He turned a secretary and asked, "How many people work in this division ?
The secretary paused for a few seconds, then replied, 
"Ohhhhh...   I'd say about half to two-thirds on any given day."

A businessman asked his secretary to send an e-mail message to his wife who was
trying to drum up business for their computerized language translators.
She sent the mail and placed a print-out of the message he'd dictated on his desk.
Later that afternoon, he said to her, 
"You did just fine with the e-mail, but you forgot the last line -- 'I love you'."
"Oh !" she replied. "I hadn't realized you were still dictating."

As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called 
his newly hired secretary into his office & asked her to have a seat.
He wanted to make sure she knew some of the basic rules. 
"Do you know when we quit around here ?"  he asked.
"Sure !"  the girl nervously giggled. 
"Whenever somebody knocks on the door."

Behind the locked door of the private office, a CEO had just completed 
some extra-martial activity with his shapely secretary when his private-line phone rang.
At a nod from her boss, the girl got up and answered it, 
since he was still slightly out of breath and needed to compose himself.
Smiling and giggling, she answered the phone, a
nd then after a moment said, 
"No, Mrs. Johnson," she said, 
"he isn't in at the moment, so I'll let you speak to him."

These quickies and more are posted at this web site: