Secretary Humor

For many years I worked as a receptionist at a busy company. 
After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise pending approval of the vice president.
A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to approve the raise. 
His reason?   I clearly wasn't doing my job. 
Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.


A  secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. 
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'penis.'
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. 
She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:  PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH.


Noticing that her boss' fly was open, the embarrassed secretary told him, "Your garage door is open."
The bewildered exec didn't know what she meant at first until she pointed.
He quickly zipped up and said, "I hope you didn't see my super deluxe Cadillac."
"Nope." she replied with a grin. "Just an old pink Volkswagen with 2 flat tires."


A big corporation recently hired several cannibals.
"You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing.
"You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, 
but please don't eat any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised they would not.  Four weeks later their boss remarked, 
"You're all working very hard, and I'm quite satisfied with you.
However, one of our secretaries has disappeared.   Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals asked the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand raised hesitantly.  The leader of the cannibals shrieked, "You fool!
For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed.   But you had to go and eat someone important!"


Pleasant telephone manner - Have a voice like 1-900-XXX-XXXX

Administrative Assistant - Bad job with a title.

Receptionist, Professional Appearance Important - $20K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe

Secretary - Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of a migrant worker.


Why I Fired My Secretary
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway.
I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant 
and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me.
She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday."
I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember." 
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to leave for the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning, boss. Happy Birthday"
And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.  I worked until noon.
Then Janet knocked on my door and said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside 
and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch. 
We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place.
We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. 
We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, 
"Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."
"Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, 
followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And there I sat...on the couch...naked.