Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118,
but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer: It's debatable, some say Adam,
but we now know, that only God could
discover something so perfect!
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban
areas, with slightly lower concentrations in
Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.
1. Surface usually covered with minimal
painted film. As a rule, not necessary.
2. Boils at everything, freezes without
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause
headaches. Handle with care!
5. Found in various states; ranging from
virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct
1. Has great affinity for Gold, Silver,
Platinum and many precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone
4. Reactive in liquids, even more, increased
activity when saturated in alcohol.
5. Repels cheap material. Neutral to common
6. Most powerful money reducing agent known
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports
2. Can greatly improve hormonal levels.
3. Can warm and comfort under certain circumstances.
4. Incapable of cooling things down, when
it's too hot.
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered
in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced
hands. Use extreme care when handling.
2. Illegal to possess more than one.
Original, posted to the GIGGLES
list by Joseph J. Kapraszewski