Rules For Driving In Detroit

*  A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit 
    in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

*  Turn signals are clues as to your next move.  A real Detroit driver never uses them.

*  Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you 
    or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you  in an even more dangerous situation.

*  Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."

*  The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you  have of getting hit.

*  Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive body work.
   Michigan is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

*  Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your ABS kicks in giving a nice relaxing foot massage
    as the brake pedal pulsates.   For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

*  Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back up.

*  The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. 
    They are there to make Detroit look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the Troy police car parked in the median.

*  Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.  It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

*  Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions & apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

*  Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Detroit driver 
    flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

*  Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush hour traffic in Detroit.

*  Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

*  Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely, 
      and gives Adopt-A-Highway crews something to clean up.

*  Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours 
    (especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing on a Ford, Dodge, or Chevy logo).

*  Learn to swerve abruptly. Detroit is the home of high speed driving thanks to MDOT (MI Dept of Transportation), 
     which places potholes in key locations to test driver's reflexes and keep them on their toes.

*  It is traditional in Detroit to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

*  Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

*  Never take a green light at face value.  Always look right and left  before proceeding.

*  Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reason to change any of the previous listed rules.
    These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junk yards, and new vehicle sales. 
    After all, this is the "motor" city and we do have our priorities.

*  Remember that the goal of every Detroit driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

*  Real Detroit women drivers can put on pantyhose and eye make-up at 75 mile per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic. 
    Real Detroit men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 75 miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.